


grip tight and hold fast

by Darth Occlus (NotSummer)



Series: divergance (complete) [6]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Missions Gone Wrong, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-03 23:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14007306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSummer/pseuds/Darth%20Occlus
Summary: People have different priorities, and the worst time is for them to pop up during a mission.





	grip tight and hold fast

Mechanized doors on a starship couldn’t slam, but the door that closed behind Jesse as he stalked past the mess and into the cabin he shared with Miyala did a rather fair job of it. Anakin and Ross exchanged a look. That didn’t bode well. Miyala trudged into the mess, looking exhausted and regretful. She didn’t give them a chance to ask. “Anakin? How are you feeling?”

Anakin had been injured on a previous mission, and while the 501st had been assigned to relief efforts in a nearby system, Anakin was recuperating on the Occlus. “Better,” he replied cautiously. The Force was screeching in his ears, a clamorous discord centered around the tension and anger between Jesse and Miyala.

“That’s good,” she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. Miyala was ready to go lie down. Mission failed. They wouldn’t get another chance, the intel was gone for good. She flicked a glance at the closed door and winced. Likely, he wouldn’t forgive her any time soon.

She slipped into the cargo hold, dropping onto the couch and pulling the blanket tossed over the back around her. Alone, finally, the memory of the betrayal in Jesse’s eyes haunted her, and tears slipped down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook, and she curled up tighter, cutting herself off from the Force, trying to block everything out.

She jumped when Ross sat down heavily. She looked up, and he gestured, and she sighed, getting up so she could curl into his side under his arm, her head on her brother’s chest. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she said hoarsely.

They sat quietly for a bit before Ross said, “Fights happen.”

“I know,” she said. “This is. Something more.”

“You’re not-?” Concern flashed over Ross’s face, and she flinched.

“We’re still together. Don’t know for how long though. I messed up. Maybe. I don’t know how much I regret it though.” She shook her head. “The… The mission went south. I had to time to save Jesse or the intel.”

“And he’s mad because you saved him?” Ross looked skeptical, and Miyala sat up, pulling the blanket tight around her shoulders.

“The intel was important to the campaign for Kenobi’s push into Confederacy space. Without it, we’re hampered.” She stared at the couch cushions. “Is it bad that I don’t regret choosing him instead?”

“No,” Ross said quickly. “You love him, you chose him. You’re willing to sacrifice everything for him, that’s not something to be… taken lightly.” He gestured vaguely, trying to collect his thoughts. “It’s important. Meaningful. To have someone that would go that far, would do anything, when all your life you’ve been told…” He trailed off, and Miyala nodded.

“Anakin does the same thing,” Ross said.

A complicated flurry of emotions crossed Miyala’s face. She was never quite sure where her and Anakin stood. Friends, sort of. They would go to bat for each other. Did they truly like the other? Debatable. Old arguments of underhanded tactics versus heavy handed tactics and lightsabers versus force tricks rose to her mind.

“Thanks,” she said, grimacing.

Ross snorted. “You two love… A lot. Unreservedly.”

She nodded. “I-. Yeah. That’s true.”

“I told you how he rescued me from that base right?” Ross’s expression turned satisfied. “Sure as hell gave him a reward for that.”

Miyala laughed, and then shook her head. “I think right now, I’m more liable to be tied up than rewarded.”

“I thought you were into that,” Ross replied airily.

She scowled, but conceded the point. She stayed huddled up on the couch with Ross for a few more hours, contemplating, and finally slipped back to her and Jesse’s shared room. She stood in front of the closed door for a few minutes, and then took a deep breath and opened the door.

Jesse didn’t look up from his report he was tapping out, and she winced at the chill in the air. She shifted awkwardly next to the door as it closed behind her. She wrung her hands, and then closed her eyes. She opened them again, and strode to her refresher, changing into ship clothes and out of her robes and armor.

She rubbed at some of the scratches in her metal arm, making a fist and opening it again. She needed to get Anakin to look at some of the mechanics: it had acted up slightly on the last mission, and she was getting some feedback from some wires. It felt like static in her brain.

First though, she needed to talk with Jesse.

He was leaning against the back of the alcove their bed was set in, ignoring her until she sat down next to him. He exhaled, and set the datapad in his lap. “What?”

She flinched at the anger in his tone. It was well deserved, and she had expected it. It did not make it hurt any less. “I should be sorry,” she said, “But I’m not. I’m sorry you’re mad at me, and I’m sorry the mission went wrong, and I’m sorry I drove this wedge between us.”

She looked down at her hands. “But I’m not sorry I chose you. I can’t be. I won’t. I won’t live in a galaxy without you. Even if,” she paused, her voice trembling, “even if you want another partner, if you want to. To end this. Us. I can’t. I can’t live in a galaxy that doesn’t have you. I’d choose to save you every single time.”

He was silent, and then he said, “I know.” She looked up to meet his heavy gaze. “I know you would.” The back of his head hit the wall and he stared at the ceiling. “But there are things bigger than us out there. The war. The Republic. You can’t just turn your back on them. We are a part of something larger. I’m not saying follow orders blindly.”

He grimaced. “But I’m saying we have a job. To succeed at our missions, even if we must make sacrifices.”

“I can’t do that,” she said softly. “If the Republic asks me to sacrifice the man I love, it is worth nothing to me. My duty is to my family first, and then the Republic.”

He was silent, and Miyala felt like she was on a precipice. Eventually, he looked back at her and wearily offered a compromise. “Then for next time, trust me to survive on my own. I’m not fragile, I’m an ARC Lieutenant.”

“But I can intervene if there’s no way out?”

“Yes,” he exhaled. They were silent as the tension started to clear, and then he cracked a wry grin. “Since that includes this time, I suppose I can’t be too mad. Who keeps lava around their castle, anyway?”

She shook her head, feeling the smile spread across her face. They would be fine.


End file.
